This Is Me

What do we do when things do not go the way we hoped? We believe and trust what people say to us and then in an instant those things we thought were stable are suddenly not. I think it is sometimes difficult to not become tough and cynical over the years when the things we dream of have not yet happened, or have come crashing down around us.

I have not discovered the art of protecting my heart yet, in both friendships and relationships. There was recently a quote on Call The Midwife which resonated very clearly with me, "You have to be brave to be in love, don't you? I mean, knowing that your heart may get broken, some point along the way."

I do wonder if I or anyone will ever find the trick to caring without being hurt? If you fill your life with people, then you absolutely run the risk of those people potentially hurting you at some point.

I sadly currently write this from a very difficult and raw place where I have found myself very hurt and for very unfair reasons. It makes me wonder why we have to be hurt to learn some lessons! Surely there is a better way of doing this? As my current situation involved a partner, I look at friends of mine who have only ever been in one relationship and have never experienced heartbreak at any level. Why do some people who desire to share life with someone so badly have to go through so much to get there?

But then the flip-side of this is that we daily hurt the person who hand-made us in love. God created us to love one another, but we don't always do that. I am guilty of being an awful friend at times. But I have been amazingly blessed with brilliant friends. Some of this links with my previous blog; if I didn't have God and my good friends, what I am experiencing right now would be so tough on my own. I also know that I must hurt God by talking to my friends instead of Him. I'm working on the right balance. I am certain though that I can be 100% real with both!!

What Do People Do When They Are Lacking?

Recently I have been really struggling with some issues, things going round and round in my head. My first port of call most of the time is God and my friends. As a Christian I find prayer necessary and compulsory, its my communication with the God I have a personal relationship with. I feel very blessed to have a lot of friends who are willing to put up with my random thoughts and concerns.

As I drove home tonight I noticed one of the 'slightly strange' regulars from my local leaning outside, clearly needing the wall to hold him up. I guarantee whatever night of the week it is, he is in there. He never seems to have anyone with him, he just walks around the pub, drinking pint after pint, slightly scaring punters with his quirky ways! It made me think, why is he always in there? Who does he have to talk to? What is it that he finds potential comfort from in the pub? Why does he not want to stay home? How many people are filling voids in their lives this way? (this isn't the first time I have thought like this obviously!) Maybe too many questions (I am an over thinker!) I felt sorry for him, and it led me to write it all out....!

Meaning of the Oath

So I am currently on jury duty. I will obviously say no more about it as I am keeping to the oath I took today. But it was interesting to see who swore on the bible and who chose to use the secular oath. I decided that I didn't want to swear on the bible and went for the secular oath option. I wonder how many people really think about what they are saying when they swear on the bible and by Almighty God.

Oh Hello 2012!

I really need to get back into blogging again. I think I have become far too used to the 'hit and run' of status' on Facebook and Twitter. I have quite big 'life to do list' on the go currently, and blogging again is on there...but not of a very high importance!

The main thing that I know I need to do is to take more time out to pray and reflect on things. I lead a very busy life and do not allow much time at all to stop and spend time with the amazing God who created me! I am hoping that I can blog a bit about this as time goes on.

The other major thing I want to do is linked with my photography. I MUST sort out my website and get it up and running again. I recently purchased a negative scanner (showing my age!), so that all of the images I have on film can become digitally stored, and uploaded to this website that is currently no longer operational!

I am determined to have a very productive 2012! Watch this space....!

(first step is to give the look of my blog a complete overhaul!)

Fundraising

The time for the n:flame overseas mission is almost upon us again. This year we are returning to Lebanon to teach in a school in Beirut. If you'd like to find out more or donate to the team then more information can be found here.

Burger King Advert 2

Also my street....

Burger King Advert

This was filmed on my street.

Distant Memory!

Wow, I must reintroduce myself to my blog again, in fact the whole world of blogging. I've not read any for ages either! Bad Ruth! Lots has been going on which is why I have not found time to update the world with my thoughts and findings! I shall make more of an effort.

Accidental Success

I was taking some new publicity shots for n:flame and this shape in the flames appeared. It was my favourite shot from the 200+ I took that day!

I've been non existant on my blog recently. But I was sent a link to this video today and I wanted to shared it as I think it is a really well made film. It would be good for a youth group discussion.

n:flame Gap Year

If Lewis can do it then so can I!!

The pressures I'm feeling...

Social Networking

I was having a discussion yesterday about how I think that social networking and things like MSN are stunting young peoples personal and interaction skills. Young people would much prefer to type out their issues than talk face to face with someone.

Today I gained my 700th friend on Facebook. I do genuinely know all of these people on there, but it made me think about why I have Facebook, and how much of my life I am allowing random friends to see!!

Moving Art

I spent the day in Scotland a few weeks ago for a freelance photography job. I had some time to use up before i flew back to London and spend a chunk of time in the Aberdeen Art Gallery. They have recently acquired a Tracey Emin piece for their collection. This is part of series, but the words in this heart really spoke to me. It said 'I felt you and I knew you loved me'. Straight away I felt God speaking to me on this. I know I am loved by him, taking the 'd' off this quote sums it all up for me. When looking for an image on good old google for this (as I couldn't take pictures in the gallery, boo) I found a few of her other pieces, they are obviously intended as mushy-couple-love, but I hear God speaking these words over me.

On this little gallery jaunt I also discovered some of the 2004 Hirst/Bailey Stations Of The Cross work. This collection is not for everyone - thats my warning- but I found some of the images interesting.

Your Support is Needed

Friends of mine are in a hip hop crew called 29th Chapter. They have a single out this week and downloading it would really help to support them. Details can be found on their website.

Pyjama Ban!

This article on the BBC website made me chuckle...

Photo of my Mood...

This is what I hope is the link to my new favourite snow photo. If it doesn't take you to the right photo then here it is...

My photos from this snow season still to come
(when I get round to putting them on Flickr!)

UK Snow

I was just sent this satellite picture that was taken on 7th Jan. I've taken some nice snow shots this week which I will post a link to soon.

Christmas and Gingers!

Two articles have amused me today involving Santa and Tesco!!

Nice Sentiment

Its been a bit of an up and down week unfortunately, but a good friend sent me these words. I don't know who it is by, but I liked it!

"In the rain, stand your ground and you will smile again. And so you grow..."